February 17, 2012

Why Christians (and therefore the GOP) Hate Women

I've figured it out. It all makes sense. I now understand why Christians and the GOP hate women. It's a long and preposterous story so, let's get started.

Let's take a look at this issue through their eyes.

In the Beginning

In the Bible, God created man and animals and everything was going great. Adam had the ultimate man-cave, the Garden of Eden, to hang out in - unlimited fishing, bear wrestling, ball scratching...all the great stuff about life.

But after a while, God noticed that Adam was spending WAY more time on ball scratching than necessary & when the light was just right, his eyes were lingering a little too long on the Beaver.  So, God created woman.  She was beautiful and alluring and Adam couldn't stop thinking about her naughty parts.

But, then Eve got hungry and Adam told her he wanted to watch football and didn't feel like going out. Just find something to eat here, he told her. Fine, Eve found something to eat but, then Adam started yelling from the couch that if she was making herself something she could bring a sandwich or something for him. So, she did.

Well, apparently, they had gotten into God's secret stash of Oreos or something and He wasn't happy about it. Not happy at all. In fact, He was so unhappy that he kicked Adam and Eve right out of the ultimate man-cave.

But, that wasn't all. God - knowing how much everyone enjoyed Eve's naughty parts - also put a "curse" on them that made them frightening and confusing for Adam but, yet, he still couldn't stop thinking about them.

So. The first reason Christians hate women is because Woman got Man thrown out of the ultimate man-cave when she pissed off God for eating His cookies...or as the Church labels it - created SIN. [remember that for later]

The second reason is because those naughty parts of ours are confusing and frightening to men yet, they cannot stop thinking about them...and that confuses and frightens them.


  1. Good writing. Look forward to reading the next part.

    In the Garden story, Genesis author(s) are imho primarily concerned with the double edged sword of knowledge and "innocence lost." IIRC, the mantra of the sexual revolution was that if we talked about sex, all our "hang-ups," would go away. We did talk about it and moved forward with different "hang-ups." Sex and knowledge were a lot more complicated than we first thought. I think those leading for more transparency about sex were ABSOLUTELY correct, but I doubt many of them understood how it would unfold.

    Fundamentalist Xtians love science when it helps tell them where the most profitable spots are to drill for oil. When it gives them data that conflicts with their affluence, it's wrong or worse, "liberal." They take the same "cafeteria" approach to scripture they don't like. They ignore it: Luke 12:48 "For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Paul's letter to Galations 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

  2. And a Grand daddy that they really hate: Matthew 25: "31When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:

    32And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

    33And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

    34Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

    35For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

    36Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

    37Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

    38When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

    39Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

    40And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

    41Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

    42For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:

    43I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.

    44Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?

    45Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

    46And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

    Enjoy your tweets

  3. Holy shit, Casper you kinda went overboard there. Who the hell wants to read a bunch of bible verses unless there is a context you want to put them in, as in the above article about Adam and his man-cave. Goddamn Xians you just can't help yourself, you just have to stuff your Xianity down our collective throats with proselytising as the goal. There is no collective wisdom in the verses you listed so why'd you even list them anyway?.

  4. KiloSixSixAugust 22, 2012

    Irony of the bible; god expels his children from paradise for taking fruit from the "tree of knowledge".
    Take heed, stay uneducated and faithful and you will make the cut back into heaven. It is sacrilegious to explain the story of the bible leaves out the prior 4 billion years of Earth's history, let alone the universe. Religion is a primitive form of population control, that is still in use to control the uninspired and fearful.